We make hundreds of choices daily, maybe thousands. Each choice has one of three effects on our lives. Some choices move us toward our goals and dreams. Some choices leave us right where we are. And some choices move us away from our goals and dreams.

When Victims make a decision that moves them away from their destination, their Inner Critics point the finger of judgment inward, saying, It was my fault. I'm to blame. Then their Inner Defenders immediately point the finger outward, blaming others and excusing themselves. This inner chorus of blaming and defending distracts Victims from the reality that they did have other choices. They just didn't see them.

Here, then, is a nonjudgmental way to think about a mistake:

No blame. No excuses. Our choices either lead to desired results or they lead to undesired results. This is the way your Inner Guide sees it.

Everyone makes mistakes, but Victims repeat theirs. Over and over. Worse, they often judge themselves for having made the mistake or they judge others for having caused them to make the mistake.

By contrast, Creators learn from their mistakes. As a result, they seldom repeat them. Also, they resist judging themselves or others for their mistakes.

The following choice evaluation process can help you profit from past mistakes. To illustrate the five-step process, let's look at how it helped a student named Tina. Tina was a twenty-three-year-old wife and mother who dreamed of becoming a buyer in the fashion industry. To achieve her dream, she needed a college degree.

Many Victims put themselves in an "either/or" mind set. Either I meet this need or I meet that need, but I can't possibly have them both. The choice evaluation process shows you that often you can have them both. When you explore your options with the choice evaluation process, you will often see that you can create much more in life than you ever thought possible. Additionally, this process gives you a way to identify limiting patterns that get you off course from your goals and dreams.

With practice, Creators begin recognizing their mistakes closer and closer to the moment of choice. A man I know denied for more than ten years that he is an alcoholic, despite losing his wife, being fired from his job, and going bankrupt. Finally, after a decade of denial, he listened to his Inner Guide, evaluated his choices, and recognized that his drinking was a serious mistake. He decided to stop making alcohol more important than his relationships, his career, and even his life. He joined Alcoholics Anonymous, stopped drinking, and during the next five years pieced his life back together. He found a new job, got remarried, and regained his self-respect.

At a party one night, he decided that he could handle a glass of wine. One glass led to many more. On the way home, he drove off the road, and when he regained consciousness, he found himself upside down and badly bruised, but still alive. Lying there in a ditch, still groggy from wine, he evaluated his choice to drink again and recognized immediately that he had made a mistake. With that recognition, he was able to correct his mistake and resume his sobriety within hours (instead of years) after his mistake. Perhaps the next time that he considers drinking alcohol he'll realize his mistake even before he takes the first sip.

So, when you make a mistake, don't abuse yourself or others with judgment. Judgment keeps you off course. Judgment keeps you from learning from your mistakes. And Judgment keeps you from seeing that blessings sometimes come disguised as mistakes. Instead, profit from your mistakes: Learn your lesson and get right back on course.


Journal Entry

In this activity you will have an opportunity to learn from a past mistake by applying the choice evaluation process. People who profit from their mistakes can minimize their misery while achieving much more in their lives than they ever thought possible.

1. Use the choice evaluation process to examine a choice you made that got you off course. Write the five questions and your answers in your journal.

Remember: A mistake is a choice that gets us off course from our dreams when a choice existed that could have kept us on course to our dreams. Think of a choice you made regarding your family, college, friends, job, a love relationship, or anywhere else in your life and how this choice got you off course. This choice might have been a broken commitment in this course or elsewhere in your life.

2. Write a paragraph (or more) exploring your thoughts and feelings about evaluating your choices and learning from your mistakes.
   As before, you will probably benefit from first writing a list of Creator questions to answer. Everyone makes mistakes. What matters is what you do after you make a mistake. Victims listen to their Inner Critics and Inner Defenders; then they repeat the mistake over and over. Creators listen to their Inner Guides, find better options, and learn valuable lessons from every mistake.

Relax, think, write.